Tag Archives: Intimate relationship

I Ain’t Got No Type…

6 Aug

All I do is swipe, swipe, swipe… SwipeReally? Let’s talk. Social media has taken over many aspects of our lives. 90% of our time involve some form of social media, whether we are checking the latest news or who’s who amongst the whom… Yes, I said it in that manner. Social media have also infiltrate the delicate world of dating. 

Like reality shows, dating has become the venue of competition. If you’re new to the dating scene you might feel like a bench warmer during the off-season game. However even the contenders have some form of social anxiety and difficulties when utilizing this platform of dating and developing a relationship.

Before you try out for the Olympics, there are some tips to consider as you embark on this journey. Run!!!!! Haha at times running is your best option. So many ads, not enough potential. This may have you running to your therapist on a weekly basis.

Now this post is for the hopefuls. This post is not for those who think they have it together or knowledge of why you don’t need to be dating, etc, etc. These rule makers are killjoy in the making.

Are you still here? Great you didn’t run far, so I will tell you my perspective on how to maintain sanity and balance while dating in the millennium.

  1. Know what you want, then prepare for revision… You should always know what your wants and desires are. Once you find potential dating profiles realize that your list will be revised for many are exaggerated and pump up to gain the advantage and attention of the potential interest. Let’s vision Catfish on Crack! They may have fluff up something about themselves which is usually their employment, weight, height, location, age, and interests. If you can settle with the acceptance that potential is really 5’3 versus 5’8, then hold on and see how it progresses going forward. If something else comes up like another lie or exaggeration then it is sign of a red flag and you should run for it.
  2. Make sure you get clarity… See one potential profile may tell you that they are looking to have a serious relationship. But once they meet you, the interest may only be fleeting for the moment. Only wanting a sexual relationship. Know what you want. Do not get discourage if that potential is no longer harboring the promising trait they once had. This a sign to disconnect and move on. You will be glad that you did and not waste anymore of your valuable time.
  3. Once clarification is clear, keep a positive mindset about the process… It takes time to form a relationship that is of worth and value. If you encounter any disappointments, whereby it seem promising but went bust. Do not allow that to discourage you. Anything of quality takes time and that non potential did you a favor by existing out of your life. You want success and that takes work. Once you master dating in a Social Media Era, know in time you will achieve your goal.

Don’t Be Boo Boo The Fool…

9 Jan
Image-wedding and engagement ring 200

I do! Do you?

 I spent another weekend night catching up on some reality tv shows. While watching one show,  I was unexpectedly surprised by the outcome of this episode. On this episode the producers reveled into this famous hip-hop couple’s relationship. They have been together for over 7 years which is common law in most states. The girlfriend is complaining that her boyfriend hasn’t propose to her. Through all the lady gatherings, brunches and mommy dearest heart to hearts, her boyfriend finally proposed. A happy ending to this story right? Nope I don’t think so. Anything force will not serve the purpose to lasting happiness. Let me explain as it’s time for a reality check and a real synopsis of this situation called “engagement”.

We all know once a woman hits 30 she is in desperate attempt to have  marriage and a family option in her life. It doesn’t matter what race, ethnicity, or background she comes from, women in society are expected to meet this goal by 30. Yes talk about PRESSURE!!! And if the woman doesn’t want that in her life at the moment she is consistently told how she should pursue that goal called “marriage” because father time isn’t on her side.

No wonder there are so many dysfunctional relationships out there. We rush the process and don’t have a sense of purpose in developing a lasting partnership.

THE PROBLEM: Let’s call her Lisa. Lisa is pushing 40. No children and no ring options. She has an image to keep up and thinks her boyfriend is playing around. Her boyfriend, lets call him John has adapt to the partnership lifestyle but doesn’t feel the need to make a legal commitment. I’m sure he loves her but his freedom to self is more important than walking down the aisle and saying I do.

With her constant crying, pressure, withholding and temper tantrums. She was able to twist his arms with a ring. And what made her look silly on the show was that she had to ask him to put the ring on her finger. He did a lot of stuff half -ass. Yes I said it! He didn’t even feel compel to place the ring on her finger. He’s probably thinking let me do this so can stay in good graces with her and not mess up my comfort factor.

WHAT HAPPEN: Lisa didn’t allow him to be a man or take charge with the idea of getting married. He showed her that he was push and shoved into her decision-making which is not a good look. Some people prefer their mates to take charge and be the aggressor in the relationship. Lisa is the aggressor to her man who is an aggressor in everything else but his feelings of conviction. More than likely the scenario will play out with him getting fed up and leaving her to mend her wounds.  Or he may reluctantly stay in a relationship to save face and his pockets.

It’s ok to want a commitment if that’s what you wish. But the key ingredients to a successful relationship is total commitment from both parties. Both parties have to agree upon their desires and what they want out of the relationship. If marriage is the goal great! If one isn’t ready or want that in their life it’s not going to work. Plain and simple.

Why waste your time with someone who isn’t ready or wants to be with you? For most relationships 4 to 5 years is enough time to figure out if your partner is in it for the long run. If you’re not sure ask. If you still don’t see adequate results or a guided direction with the relationship, then its time to put on your dancing shoes and step out of his or her’s life. Obviously you’re not that important to them. If you were, it would have happen when it supposed to happen. It goes both ways for men and women who are looking for a commitment.

When you find the right partner, the fear and lack of freedom will not be an issue because you all will be on the same page. Don’t get discouraged keep hope alive and stay encouraged. A delay is not a denial.

“Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.” – Douglas Pagels