Cognitive Dissonance In Love

18 Jan

Cognitive dissonance is a discomfort caused by holding conflicting cognitions(e.g., ideasbeliefsvaluesemotional reactions) simultaneously.

Cognitive DissonanceHow many times have I vent or complain about my job? Too many to count. I always make a plan to do something different and I end up doing something remotely different that doesn’t change the scenario.  I have suffered from Cognitive Dissonance. When it comes to love, many of us suffer the same.

Daniel knew his relationship with Hallie would not last. However he decided to fall back from the scene and allow Hallie to carry on with her antics. Daniel knew her antics was causing a wedge between them but he wanted to prove the relationship as being what it was and that he didn’t care if it went one way or another. Later it went down the toilet with the tidy bowl man.

Pam knew her fiancée lied to her on many occasions which severed the trust factor in their relationship. While she became adamantly vocal about her independence and wanting a clean slate. She continued to allowed the ex fiancée to stay in the same house with her as he went on with his usual routine.

What do they have in common? A case of cognitive dissonance in which I will call it CD.  Many times we become displeased with the way things are going especially in our love life. Sometimes we become disillusion with negativity. Other times we have met many challenges which gives us a bad perception of love in general. While it’s ok to have feelings to accept them as your feelings and to deal with them whether it’s through counseling, life skill management, etc. It’s another thing to expect change and not practice a new outlook for those results. Especially if you’re seeking to do that.

The Belief Disconfirmation Paradigm

Dissonance is aroused when people are confronted with information that is inconsistent with their beliefs. If the dissonance is not reduced by changing one’s belief, the dissonance can result in misperception or rejection or refutation of the information, seeking support from others who share the beliefs, and attempting to persuade others to restore consonance.

How many times have you heard your friend declaring they’re ready for a change? They’re going to stop dating a certain type of guy? Move on with their life in a different direction? However their patterns haven’t changed and they’re not allowing you to call them out on it. Instead they want you to co-sign on why it’s the way they want you to see it.  They haven’t shift their paradigm.

Shifting the paradigm takes works. If you’re not ready to do so, then don’t cause attention to the cause that you’re standing against. If you want to continue the pattern but afraid of what society or others will say to you. Live your paradigm with pride. Don’t justify why you want it another way so you’ll be in appeasement to your confusion.

My question for you is what are you going to do today or tomorrow (the procrastinator) in changing your pattern? I’ll let you know mines tomorrow. Joking!



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