Living On Fantasy Island…Without An Escape Route

25 Jan

When it comes to love, there is no such thing as smooth sailing.

Remember the popular 80’s tv show called “Fantasy Island”? It was a show about people getting away from their own lives, escaping to lived out their fantasies. While the show made for great tv viewing, to actually have a real-life fantasy island would be a total disaster.
I’m using this as a context for love. Let me explain.  Often times most women have unrealistic expectations of love. But this theory was not created entirely by us. As young girls, we’re told in all media sources that a wonderful man will swept you off your feet and give you a life that is happily ever after.
While this maybe true for 2% of the population, the other 98% is living in total chaos of why things aren’t going the way as they expected. When it comes to love, it’s more comfortable to live in a fantasy than reality.
I have a friend name Patty. Patty is a wonderful friend. She gives from her heart and has compassion and integrity. Unfortunately Patty is living in a fantasy situation. Patty went from a good relationship to a decent relationship. I call it decent for a reason, but I will save that for another blog topic.
Anyway, Patty had a time span of a year in between those two relationships. That is great because it allowed her to heal from one and gave her time to get into another relationship. After her last affair, Patty disappeared to Fantasy Island. Patty rarely appears at gatherings. Her comfort has been Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and Netflix. While I don’t have a problem with either, Patty isn’t allowing herself to deal with the reality of being single. Instead Patty is conquering up images of herself and famous A-list actors as  relationship standards. These guys have no clue she exists. Patty has no clue that good men are there waiting to meet her. I guess that’s the commonality Patty and the actors have.

I asked Patty if she was happy with the current state her of lack-luster love life. She said no. I then asked her what was she going to do about it? She couldn’t give me an answer. She also told me a few men have approach her with quick convo and interest to go further. Patty told me she gave them all the death stare and scared them away. She has conditioned herself into thinking that it’s okay to live like that.
Patty hasn’t accepted the fact that dating is a process and the first date may or may not be successful. She hasn’t learned that to have happiness in love she has to deal with reality first. Her reality is too painful for her to deal, so she resorts to having a fantasy love affair with secret crushes. The fantasy allows her to control the outcome the way she wants its. I encouraged Patty to step outside her comfort zone. At this moment she’s considering it as an option. That’s a good start!

WHAT HAPPEN: Patty felt due to her last relationship and over analyzing some flaws, she chose to be alone for a while. While it was ok for her to initially have those feelings, it became a problem when she wanted to hide away and not have a social life. She became complacent with staying home alone on a Saturday night watching dvd’s. The thought of even going out for drinks made her uncomfortable. Her social awkwardness became a part of her cliché and the reality that nobody gets her. The real fantasy is that it’s all in her head.

YOUR ROLE: Dating isn’t an easy process. If it was everybody would be partnered up. However we tend to allow the past to affect our future. In the present moment, we need to check what we can do different to bring new results. If we adopt the positive aspect of things going right for us, we will gradually get to the place that is necessary in being. Garnering us to see actual proof and results that we will like and enjoy.

It’s okay to pause, but staying in that place for too long will not allow opportunity for growth. Growth comes from a source of pain and joy. Once we learn how to accept both and take action we will be better off in the long run. That’s the reality.

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